Index February

Welcome! ♡

This is my diary page where I post recent personal stories & thoughts.

My life is not really interesting and I probably overshare on here at times, but if you enjoyed my entries I'm very glad!

Sidebar image by wanella. Click on the flowers below to go back.

18 February, 2019
Time: 12.26AM | Weather: Rain | Mood: Sleepy

I feel really confused over my sexuality
Like, it probably is something that's silly to be thinking so much about but all this while I couldn't help but wonder whether I'm really a lesbian than bi.

It feels like I always have hid behind the cover of 'bi', since my home country is so homophobic that it terrifies me of being full-on gay... My religion doesn't help either. I would always pray to God that I would be free of being gay, because it's really unbearingly silly how much negativity you get for liking the same gender.
My father has told me he would kick me out of our family if I was gay (don't live with him so it doesn't matter tho), and I don't know how my mom would react, too, so maybe that is why too.

I feel more comfortable and happier as a lesbian rather than bi. I have the rest of my life to explore and think this through, but one thing remains true which is that: My love for girls will never ever die

14 February, 2019
Time: 11.55AM | Weather: Cloudy | Mood: Sleepy

Happy Valentines!!
Personally, I feel that Valentines is a holiday you either feel hate/indifferent to, or absolutely love haha. For most of my life I felt pretty indifferent to it, since I'm forever a single pringle, but this year was super nice!

During school we had like a 2.5 hour long break... which is kind of too long honestly. >_>
To pass the time me and my friends went to a nearby mall and browsed around the stores, till we went into this Puma outlet and I saw the cutest pair of shoes!! Obviously I wanted to get them ASAP, so I got them on the spot.

They look like this:

No black shoes are owned by me, so it was (hopefully) a good investment. Still can't get over the cute laces >< ♡♡

Communication skills class was boring, but my friends all made it really fun and bearable. I went for badminton and food date with my friend after it though, so it was good!^^
We ate lots of sushi then went for dessert. It was a nice feeling not needing to pay a lot for food, I really feel super thankful... T_T

Here are photos of our sweets~!

They tasted super super good, I would love to go again! The price seemed affordable so I would buy it on my own, too. Kinda feel like eating lots of cake now...

That was about it for my day today. I never experienced such nice day during Valentines in the past, so I'm extremely grateful and thankful.
I didn't receive any chocolates or flowers, but that is obviously OK.
Here's a chocolate from me to you, the reader~

That's about all, since I'm about to wash up then sleep for tomorrow. I hope your Valentines was as if not even more lovely, since it's not necessarily solely a romantic holiday, it can be a holiday filled with love of friends and your loved ones also. ^o^

10 February, 2019
Time: 5.43AM | Weather: Cloudy | Mood: Hungry

Yay, first post here!

To be honest, I'm not sure on what to really write on my first entry since there's nothing in particular recently that I can ramble about... ><. I think I would like to begin my first entry with the wonderful things from 2018 till now!

The start of 2018 was not a really wonderful year... It was fine till March, when I had a major fallout with a group of friends. It was one of the worst times of my life and I couldn't even eat for days.

But, there were huge changes from there that made 2018 one of my best years.

I discovered idols and finally started working very hard for my exams. My grades went from failing nearly all subjects to getting all A/B's for my nationals, I was so so happy about the latter..! It's really amazing what hardwork can do for you.

2018 was also the year I became more outgoing and positive.
All my life I've been pretty pessimistic, but it is very nice how having a positive outlook on life in general can change you for the better. Being kinder and more positive to others has helped me very much in being less shy + anxious.
I'm very thankful I'm no longer the shy, constantly anxious and just plain gloomy person I was in the past!

I think all those have really turned 2018 from one of the worst years, to one of the best.

One thing I'm extremely thankful for in both 2018 + 2019 is my friends!! They never ever gave up on me even during my lowest, and gave me so many fond memories in 2018. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. ♡
I can go on for centuries if I were to talk about them, so I shall leave it as that!

2019 has been kind to me so far, and I hope it remains that way, but I know no matter what comes my path I'll be able to get through it eventually.

I hope 2019 will be just as pleasant for everyone else! Good night.